A Living Legacy

When I was in college, my baby brother started hanging out with this incredible girl named Shayla Foss. She was absolutely magnetic. She turned heads for the obvious reasons- soft blond hair and a warm smile- but there was something else about her that would stop you in your tracks, something you had a hard time explaining and would be forced to reduce down to a meager explanation of something like: “She’s just…Shayla.” A name that can be used as an adjective…that’s impressive. 

When Shayla would “Shayla” us she would make something ordinary seem extraordinary. Killing a spider was a jungle safari. The cheers I received for merging safely from an offramp to the freeway might as well have earned me an Olympic medal. Ordering fast food felt more like answering a question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. 

“I’ll have a hamburger. Wait. Hold on. Let me think about this. I need to imagine eating it for a second. Something doesn’t feel right about this. Tell me about your bacon. Is it thick? Is it crispy? No, that’s not it. Okay, change that to a cheeseburger. Final answer.” 

Life was just wild and amazing and worth celebrating at any moment with her around. I recall watching her open a present once (which turned out to be a book) and you would have thought it was a diamond necklace. She squealed with delight and fanned the pages in front of her exclaiming, “Oh, yes! It smells delicious! You know, you can tell by the way a book smells if it’s going to be a good one or not. We’ve got a winner!”

As time went by and the relationship got more serious, I was invited to her house to spend time with her family. I would sit around the fire pit, or the dinner table, or the kitchen island and catch glimpses of their interactions. The more I hung around The Fosses, the more I began to see that this ability to be “Shayla” was definitely a family trait. This magnetic and spontaneous fun was a legacy carefully demonstrated, cultivated, and passed down- built into the fabric of their family system. Shayla gave credit to her parents, Rob and De. They gave credit to their GG Bella. And my guess is GG Bella could chase it up the family tree a few generations herself. I coined it “The Foss Phenomenon”- a group of special yet simple people who loved to make the little things a lot of fun.

Nearly ten years ago, my brother married our Shayla, ultimately changing her last name. But the Foss Phenomenon continues to impact us today. And although I first enjoyed tracing the gift back in time through her family line, I have started to see it move the other way- down and out through the bright and brilliant life of their daughter Lily. I knew she had the gene the moment I watched her convince her parents to paint the most prominent wall in their living room the brightest shade of bubblegum pink - just because. The legacy lives on. 

I’ve learned many valuable lessons hanging around De, and Shayla, and Lily for the last decade. So I spent some time asking them a few questions with the hope that they might inspire you to think about what you are passing on and leaving behind you as they have with me. 

Enjoy our conversation below:

Where did all of this joy come from? Can you trace it back to a source?

De: It’s interesting because, for me, I think the pursuit of joy came from a lack of it. I started to celebrate because it was what I craved in less than desirable circumstances. Everyone wants to be loved and celebrated. I learned how easy it was. That there was and is always something good to celebrate even in hard times. 

Shayla: We definitely picked that up. Growing up I always felt like my mom was able to turn even the simplest of things into a special moment for us kids, which made my childhood pretty dang magical. 

Magical is a good word to describe how you all make other people feel. Why celebrate?

Shayla: Celebrating is a huge part of my life. I love celebrating birthdays, holidays, promotions, good grades, new skills, touchdowns, victories, a new recipe that turned out amazing. We would be so bored without celebrations. I love to be the cheerleader for my friends and family. Seeing people feel good about something they accomplished is so fun for me.

Lily: When you celebrate all those little things, it helps me to see the good in every moment. 

De: I absolutely love showing people that I cherish them. It’s never a chore. It’s actually what I live for. 

What would you say to someone who feels like it is a chore? How has celebration become effortless and natural to you?

Shayla: One of my favorite things that I picked up from my mom was that being spontaneous can make almost anything special. My parents were quick to take us all on a random family trip, eat brownie batter out of the bowl with us, or, one of my mom's specialties, break into song and dance at any given moment. I feel like the spontaneity of my parents is something I look back on now as an adult with admiration, knowing that some of my most coveted memories as a kid come from my mom and dad just being a little bit impulsive.

De: Spontaneity helps a lot. And on the other end of the spectrum, so does a little forethought. When I am anticipating any of my children coming home for a visit, I always make sure I have some fun seasonal decor along with a cozy bedroom waiting just for them. I like to have something for their spouses too- like favorite snacks and drinks. My grandkids love time with me so I make sure to plan activities in advance that they like to do individually. Lily and I have spent many years creating things. We recently designed a boho vintage-inspired shirt made from an old lace dress with a complimentary choker made from a pin and leather. So fun. And she always loves indulging me by trying on what we made. Precious moments. 

Lily: I still wear them! They are super cute with a white t-shirt and light wash jeans. 

I remember coming over once and De had made a whole spooky dinner of creepy looking foods for Halloween. I see you do that for your kids now too, Shay. Do you all have any other fun traditions you’ve picked up along the way?

Lily: On Christmas Eve, we open Christmas PJs.

Shayla: Yes! Traditions were a huge part of my childhood. Some of my favorites involve Christmas too. As a kid, we would always pile onto my parent's bed in those Christmas pajamas and open our stockings while my parents were half asleep. This tradition continued well into my twenties until I realized that I was a full-grown adult with children of my own and it was my turn to pass it down. Glad you picked that one up, Lily. I also like to take Lily out to lunch and shopping on her birthday, something my mom did with me each year. 

De: It’s fun to see these passed down and continued to be enjoyed. And I also love seeing the new ones each of our married children has made on their journey in life together. 

What makes these worth passing on? 

Lily: I mean, shopping and eating and creating are always fun but it’s special with my family because of all the conversation. We get a chance to just talk and I know I can tell them anything. 

Shayla: I love all the special side effects of spending time together- things you couldn’t plan on or wouldn’t expect. When I became a mom, I realized I would be doing much more than keeping someone alive for 18 years (and that’s hard enough on its own). I could make their life special like my parents made my childhood so special. I often joke that I wish there was a manual for raising kids- to take the unknown out of the whole thing- but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that having to figure things out without directions can make things pretty special and individualized. If my parents had a manual we wouldn’t have eaten that brownie batter out of the bowl together and I wouldn’t have that sweet memory today.

Watching this gift pass down generationally is beautiful. What’s the legacy you’ve picked up along the way that you hope you leave behind you?

De: I hope my legacy is that I have loved and cherished my family and found time to celebrate them.

Shayla: My Great Grandma Bella passed away almost a decade ago and to this day we still reminisce on how incredibly loving and fun she was. We all strive to be more like GG Bella. I think that’s how I want to be remembered. I want my husband, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren to know that I loved them unconditionally and that I was spontaneous, fun, and always willing and able to listen.

Lily: Unconditional love for everyone and lots of fun. 

You heard it from the best- love and fun- that’s the Foss Phenomenon. It’s changed my life today. And in the end, it’s the stuff that sticks around and keeps talking long after you’re gone.

How can you leave a legacy? Start with these two easy steps. 

Begin at the end. List out 3-5 things you want your great-grandchildren to say about you one day.

Bring it on back. Now pick 1-2 ways you can begin to live today so that these characteristics become part of your daily experience.